I've been able to enjoy the candles on the Christmas tree at my Mom's for the last two years. My husband and I have usually left Mom's farm on Christmas Eve before it got dark, so I've missed the candles over the years. Christmas 2025, the candles didn't get lit at all on Christmas Eve. Our family is small and when most of the family vanishes before the darkness comes then the candles don't get lit. That's what happened this past Christmas.
I did make it back to the farm on December 28 for an overnight visit. Mom and I got to enjoy the candles on the tree that evening, just the two of us. I got my iPhone out and found some Christmas music. It was a tradition belated, but still an enjoyable tradition that I was pleased to take part in.
I woke up wondering if my ability to share space with the Christian story now is because it is morphing into culture for me. This is what I found about the word culture on an internet search...
"Culture is the shared, learned, and dynamic system of beliefs, values, behaviours, norms, and artifacts that characterize a group of people. It acts as a guide for daily life, shaping how individuals perceive the world, express meaning, and interact with others, while also defining a group's identity."
What I admire about Jewish tradition and people is that some can embrace their story as a cultural part of their life without the need to believe in its narrative as historically accurate. The same goes with the Indigenous communities. Their stories are more about their group identity than about a factual narrative. Both groups have embraced their religion as their culture. I wonder if I am starting to do the same with the Christian story.
I still enjoy the music. I can sing along to gospel songs and 80's CCM tunes like I used to, but without embracing the lyrics as significant. It is the music that brings me joy again. My body remembers the feeling of joy and I can "rock out" alongside the likes of David Meece, Amy Grant and Petra and not feel like I am compromising my current world view. I am embracing the culture again.
I am thankful that my Mom is okay with me enjoying the music again. Maybe it looks different from her perspective, but we are able to still share the music, even though the lyrics reach us differently.
I still get irritated at some religious expressions, but am finding that not all environments are as uncomfortable as they used to be when I first left. I've been able to survive funerals a bit better. I think the idea of culture is even meeting me in those places. Public mourning is cultural thing in most countries. I still get pissed with the "altar call" messages at funerals. I don't think they have a place there, but that is my personal beef. Maybe that too is part of the culture that I could acclimate to.
Embracing Christianity as culture will go a long way to keeping me in those circles without damaging relationships. It will be an inoculation of sorts. I can still be authentic. I can still be vocal about my agnostic approach to life. I just don't have to be as triggered or have an allergic reaction when I am around Christian activity. This is my culture... this is what I was raised with... I can still dwell with it.
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