I am nineteen days in to Authentic Lent... nineteen out of forty five. I am wondering if I will have enough material to go that long. I might have to dedicate one week to dead influences. I don't think it will take away from the amazing living voices that I have discovered along the way. So that is still an option. I would love to bring Bertrand Russell back.
Today, I don't feel that inspired. Sundays are supposed to be a catch up day with my thoughts and feelings. Today, it's cold outside and my head is tired. I just want to get back on my puzzle and keep working on assembling pieces that don't seem like a contradiction to my life. I think it is why I puzzle. It is a lot easier to put together puzzle pieces than the try to figure out how to piece together the puzzle of my life. I also adore the pictures. There is a peace experienced when I am perusing puzzle pictures. I don't have to buy them or put them together. Part of the joy is just admiring the pictures.
This week I finished a 2000 pc Cobble Hill puzzle called "It's a Dog's life". I have found myself envying critters this week. They don't have to ask the big questions. No one is asking them to process life by a certain narrative. They can just exist, do life, pass along some love and then cease to exist. Somehow, they evolved faster than humans. Humans still need work to get past the requirements they place on other humans to be like them.
I want to imagine being loved just for being me. Isn't that was a dog is... loved just for being a dog. Some dogs work for a living, but some dogs are just there to love and be loved and that is all of their purpose. Maybe I am loved for me, but the picture still wafts around in my brain that I have to be somebody beyond myself to really be valued. Maybe I am loved. But is it not also loving to embrace people for who they want to be. Can we ever get to a place with people like we do with dogs? Can we just love and be loved?
Day 19: 2022 - "Too many amazing minds and not enough years to read them all".
