CODA is a movie about Ruby, the hearing daughter of two deaf parents and sister to one deaf brother. Ruby grows up in this fishing family and has a gift she can't share with her family. She can sing and sing beautifully. The movie charts her journey of acceptance within her family to follow her dream of pursuing music... all the way to Music School.
The song Ruby chose to sing for her audition to Music School was Joni Mitchell's song "Both Sides Now" .
This morning as I read about "The Cloud of Unknowing", I chose to think about clouds instead of the unknowing. There is a line in the song...
"So many things I would have doneBut clouds got in my way."
I ask myself... what would I do if I had clear skies? What would I do if the clouds weren't in the way?
Today, I am thinking of an old friend. It's her birthday today. I haven't seen her for over eight years, but she lives in the next town from me. Clouds got in the way.
"Oh, but now old friends they're acting strangeAnd they shake their heads and they say I've changedWell something's lost, but something's gainedIn living every day"
I lost so much the day we separated. I just cried... I didn't have the courage to challenge her or fight for our friendship. I was insecure and felt worthless. I kept telling myself that she was better off without me. I had no place in her life. I was toxic to her. Those thoughts kept me from knocking on her door even years later.
If she is still the person she was eight years ago, I am still not the person she would want in her life as a friend, even more so because I have totally abandoned everything she holds dear. Eight years ago, I was just starting my journey away from Christianity. I have no courage in me to even believe a relationship is possible. So I am sad today. I lost and don't even know if I have it in me to start finding again. Clouds got in the way.
