"But I declare to you that I was never without pain and extreme loathing for what I was doing. That is also why I totally hated all the vain functions of my ministry, and particularly all the idolatrous and superstitious celebrations of masses, and the vain and ridiculous administrations of sacraments that I had to do for you. I cursed them thousands of times to the core when I had to do them, and particularly when I had to do them with a little more attention and solemnity than normal when I saw you come to your churches… to hear with a little more devotion what they make you believe to be the word of God…But as [I must] keep silent at present, I will at least, in a way, speak to you after my death." Jean Meslier
Jean Meslier lived after he died... in his words. His words that were the heart of his soul and the truth of his discovery were not unleashed until after he died. Oh what freedom I could feel if I could just write while I am alive and not be burdened by exposing myself until I can breathe no more, and then my words get to breathe for me.
Did Meslier feel like he was living his life as a hypocrite? That is my biggest fear. That is why I haven't buried my words in the sand only to be uncovered after I'm gone. I want to expose myself, but with limitations so as not to sacrifice the security of my social connections. I want to be loved... not hated for what I write.
"Religion is handed down from fathers to children as the property of a family with the burdens. Very few people in the world would have a God if care had not been taken to give them one. Each one receives from his parents and his instructors the God which they themselves have received from theirs; only, according to his own temperament, each one arranges, modifies, and paints Him agreeably to his taste." JM
"Very few people in the world would have a God if care had not been taken to give them one." I really need to digest this one.
I have been trying to discover that which gave me breath beyond that understanding that was given me all my life by a lot of different sources. Someone took great care to pass along a "God" to me and if it has been only one "God", I might still be embracing that which was passed down. But because I was given... no... bombarded with... a "God" that had more faces than the Greek pantheon or the Hindu deities, I started my slide away from that "God". I have to own up to my part in the introduction of that "God". I went looking for different faces throughout my life. Maybe I got bored, I could list the excuses, but they will fall short in giving anyone an understanding of what sent me on my journey.
Prejudice tends to confirm in us the opinions of those who are charged with our instruction. We believe them more skillful than we are; we suppose them thoroughly convinced themselves of the things they teach us. We have the greatest confidence in them. After the care they have taken of us when we were unable to assist ourselves, we judge them incapable of deceiving us. These are the motives which make us adopt a thousand errors without other foundation than the dangerous word of those who have educated us; even the being forbidden to reason upon what they tell us, does not diminish our confidence, but contributes often to increase our respect for their opinions. JM
I started reading Meslier's book "Superstition in All Ages" because when I went into iBooks, I couldn't access "Testament" in English...and my French is very lacking. For the most part I am reading a man who was wise beyond his years. He died at 55, and I will be 54 this year. So already he had accumulated his thoughts by the time he was my age. Yet he couldn't expose himself to the outside world.
I find a great amount of compassion for him. Maybe he was a product of his time. Maybe he needed to keep his greatest awareness of life a secret. Maybe he had no other choice. Maybe he had a choice and chose not to upset the apple cart. So many wonderings. I live three hundred years after this man and my world is very different. I can hide my rantings on the internet and still have a life outside of them. I test the waters occasionally with my friends and family, but maybe that isn't the wisest thing to do. Maybe... so many maybes.
I think I am the only one asking that I be authentic. I think I am the only one longing to be known and understood in the space that I dwell. I don't think many need my thoughts and deductions as much as they need my love and compassion.
I wish I had this all figured out. I wish could I transport myself back to the late 17th century and ask Jean Meslier why he did what he did. Maybe he would have no answers for me, but just a life that was lived the best way he knew how to live. But three hundred years later, I have access to his words. And he just wrote them down on parchment paper.
"I’m particularity taken by the life and work of Jean Meslier because of the way that he shows how the best atheistic critiques arise out of the very ground they reject. The greatest ‘enemies’ of the faith often know that life intimately, have dedicated their lives to it and have first hand knowledge of the inconsistencies, antagonisms, deadlocks and contradictions. For some philosophers, it is only the truly religious figure who can actually transcend religion. The reason for this lies in the idea that religious sentiment is almost impossible to get rid of - persisting in secular ways through the pursuit of wholeness in money, fame, fitness etc. Nietzsche once wrote that, ‘after the Buddha had died it is said that his shadow remained on a cave wall for thousands of years,’ he then claimed that, ‘the shadow of God remains after the death of God, and must also be removed’. Here he was referring to the religious sentiment in secular life.
It is hard to find a better expression of this idea than in the work of Meslier, who lived a simple life devoid of any desire to find salvation in money, religion or reputation. He not only rejected the religious God, but seemed to live a life freed from the very shadow of that God." Peter Rollins
