Once upon a time two explorers came upon a clearing in the jungle. In the clearing were growing many flowers and many weeds. One explorer says, "some gardener must tend this plot." The other disagrees, "There is no gardener." So they pitch their tents and set a watch. No gardener is ever seen. "But perhaps he is an invisible gardener."
So they, set up a barbed-wire fence. They electrify it. They patrol with bloodhounds. (For they remember how H.G. Wells's The Invisible Man could be both smelt and touched though he could not he seen.) But no shrieks ever suggest that some intruder has received a shock. No movements of the wire ever betray an invisible climber. The bloodhounds never give cry. Yet still the Believer is not convinced. "But there is a gardener, invisible, intangible, insensible to electric shocks, a gardener who has no scent and makes no sound, a gardener who comes secretly to look after the garden which he loves." At last the Sceptic despairs, "But what remains of your original assertion? Just how does what you call an invisible, intangible, eternally elusive gardener differ from an imaginary gardener or even from no gardener at all?”
(John Wisdom and Anthony Flew)
What have I to gain by embracing belief in an invisible gardener or imagining an invisible gardener or just totally negating the idea of a gardener all together. I seems that I have to choose and maybe I don't want to choose. Maybe I don't mind believing, imagining and negating. Maybe all three have value in the world I live in and with the people I live with.
My biggest struggle as of late has been that of authenticity. Do I have to pick a side and show it and even prove it? Is that what being real is all about? Or is there more to it. Maybe it's not about picking a side for life, as much as it is to side with Love and how and where that Love wants to manifest itself. Maybe in one place or with some people it is more loving to believe. Maybe imagining is more loving and maybe even struggling and negating is more loving. Maybe it isn't always the same in every place and with every person... and I think that is the case... so I don't even need a maybe.
Something the Enneagram has taught me is that authenticity isn't an obvious longing for everyone. It seems to show up as a longing with those who are more heart focused. So if it isn't a requirement for living, maybe then it is okay if I limit my authentic moments to those places and with those people with whom it matters.
I have noticed that not too many people are asking me to reveal my inner soul with them. Most just enjoy my presence on a social level and express that. Much beyond that can get awkward. I have been feeling the lack of the deep places in my relationships, but I am seeing more clearly that its not always required to navigate life. Aaahhhh the journey...
