I want to scream right now. I want to let the world know that I have had enough. "UNDERSTAND ME, OKAY?"
I can't even explain myself in detail and get a corresponding... "Okay, I understand." Maybe it would have been better to hide in the closet. Maybe little Enneagram 4 needs a kick in the pants. The world doesn't want my authenticity. The world doesn't want my grief. They want my joy, my happiness, my laughter... they don't want my sadness and my pain.
Easter is painful, like Christmas is painful. The world is happy because Jesus is born or Jesus is alive... "So let's celebrate!". It would be much easier if I could be apathetic, but I'm not. I hurt and I hurt bad. This is real. Maybe it is easier for some to sweep me under the carpet and pretend that I haven't lost the biggest thing in my life.
What is this going to do for any pain or loss I encounter in the future? How will I receive people's affection and compassion for any other loss I will experience? If the biggest loss of my life goes unnoticed, will I ever be able to feel like my sadness matters.
