Day 37: Where is the beauty?

I had this image emailed to me this evening by a long time friend.  She asked me how I was doing and I told her that I was sore and sad.  She offered this beautiful image to encourage me and bring some beauty to my day... and all I had to give her was my sorrow.  

Where is the beauty?  Just in the picture... or does it have access into my soul?  I hope so.  

 

Day 36: Holy Place in the Mountains

 

"When I read the story of St. Bartholomew’s Church in Bavaria, Germany, I was amazed at the effort that went into this construction only to be placed in a remote location only accessible by boat or a long hike in the mountains. 

I got this postcard from Jens, who is a world traveller.  In his Postcrossing profile he says he’s sent postcards from fifty-nine different countries.  

It is a beautiful location… but what is the purpose of this church if only to be the site of a pilgrimage through the mountains.  Does that mean it’s not about community?  Is this just an icon for travellers and tourists to admire?  I guess there are those too in the world."  

I wrote that yesterday.  I love beautiful postcards, but this one is quite interesting.  This church dates back to the 12th century.  Some group of people decided that an obscure out of reach location would be a great place to build a church.  It's beautiful.  So maybe more of a pilgrimage site, an icon of the times.  A bit strange.  Oh well.  I got a post card and was introduced to another story.  That is precious whether the story makes any sense or not.  

Day 35: Bored of my own writing.

Thirty five days in to Year five of Authentic Lent... and I am bored of my own writing.  When did that happen?  I can understand being bored of material that was given me to read from people that have been dead over a hundred years or so... but when did I get bored of my own thoughts.  Now it's really time to end this.  I have ten days more to go and I have become bored of it more times than I can count.  Maybe the passion lies in what has given me more joy... and that is not the dissection of my own world view.  

I have been passionate about people and my communication with people.  I love writing postcards.  I love writing letters, I love connecting with people both stranger and friend.  I hope I never get bored of that.  I don't mind letting go of the analysis of my own understanding of life.  It would be nice to let that go and just live.   

Why do I need to prepare myself to answer questions that will never be asked of me?  That's right.   A lot of this is supposed to prepare me for answering the tough questions... but no one is asking them of me.  Maybe its okay to let the need of preparation go.  Maybe I don't need answers anymore.  Maybe I don't need to give more life to words that were meant to be for a time and a season.  

I guess it's back to writing postcards and living life without needing to explain myself every day.  

 

Day 34: I miss my flowers

 I miss my flowers.  I just see snow and mud outside.  It's taking so long to get to the place where I can see the flowers start to emerge.  Even a bit of greenery would be encouraging right about now.  But all I see is snow.  

Day 33: This is where I find community

This is our local post office in Calmar, Alberta.  In the last year, it has become my favourite business in Calmar.  It has become the place where I find my community.  

My community these days is a collection of letters and postcards that come into my mailbox every so often.  It is the most consistent form of community I have.  These are my Faraway Friends.  

There is no obligations to perform... just responses to make.  I like that.  Our stories are shared in pieces and like a puzzle, we put those pieces together over our correspondence.  

Day 32: "I never puzzle alone"

 Today, I was in a room filled with over a hundred puzzlers.  It was a surreal experience when I realized that most of the time, my puzzling experience involves me and my cat.  I didn't know whether to feel embraced or reminded that it was only a brief moment in time are my puzzling reality was isolating and lonely.  Puzzles are lonely.  

There was a reason I was volunteering and not competing.  I  tell people that it's because I'm not a speed puzzler.  I'm not... but if the whole truth be told it's because I would only be able to qualify for the individual round.  To be a part of the pairs and teams, one needs other people to puzzle with.  I don't have that.  So I volunteer and get to watch other people puzzle together and hope I can make it through the day without seriously reflecting how lonely I really feel inside in that crowd of puzzlers.  

Day 31: Cozy beds aren't everyone's choice

Will someone tell me why I made a bed for my cat to sleep on my puzzle table... when he wants to sleep beside the bed.  I would think that the bed would be more comfortable.  

Actually... today is the first time he hasn't curled up on the fleece bed I made for him.  For some reason a shopping bag was a more desirable cuddle object for him.  

Just because something looks more appealing to me, doesn't mean it is more appealing to him.  That... is life.  I think I will a hang onto these pictures for a while.  Maybe someone else needs to see them.  Maybe one person's idea of a cozy bed isn't always the desired choice for someone else to sleep in.