Day 45: "Who are you, what have you sacrificed?"

 

I just finished watching and listening to the 2012 Arena performance of Andrew Lloyd Weber's "Jesus Christ Superstar".  This is how I started my birthday today.  My husband was still sleeping and I watched it in my office on my computer with head phones.  What's the saying?... "I still have goosebumps."  Wow.  What an incredible performance and the amazing vocals of Tim Minchin are what inspired me to add this to my birthday celebration.  

I am a big Tim Minchin fan... and he knocked this one out of the park.  He is joined by an amazing cast and amazing performances by Ben Forster as Jesus and Melanie C. as Mary Magdalene.  

I'm not a big opera fan, but I just added this to my collection of movie favourites.  

This is now my favourite Jesus movie.  Why?  Because the show ends and they don't bring him back to life.  There is no resurrection of Jesus... but Judas came back to life... or did he?  Very artistic and poetic justice.    This wouldn't do good in the marketing department of Christianity.  But this is art at it's best.  

A lot of lines stick out for me, but this one sticks out the most.  "Who are you, what have you sacrificed?"  Profound question.  Some would say not much... Matt Dillahunty commented that Jesus "had a bad weekend".  Was that really a sacrifice?  I guess we'll never really know.  We are all two thousand years past the story.  

* * * 

I wanted to conclude Authentic Lent with Tim, because of my planned watching of JSC... but also because I wanted to end it with music.  The deep dive into all the incredible minds has been great, but I need to let my mind rest and allow my body to move with the music.  I will conclude with some of my favourite Tim Minchin songs.  He has been an incredible influence both with music and with his intellect.  I think I will be watching JSC at least one more time today if not twice.  

The Good Book

Upright Piano Scene

Play it Safe

Carry you

The Aeroplane

Absence of You

Day 45: 2022 - "Good Friday - Being the Resurrection" 

Day 45: 2023 - "Bad Friday" 

Day 44: Atheism for Lent: Going somewhere deeper together

ATHEISM FOR LENT

This was the invitation I got two years ago... an invite to experience the "Dark night of the soul".  Peter Rollins had been inviting people on this journey for two decades.  I was interested.  I still had a foot in the door of Christianity and the other foot was on the way out.  I had more than questions, I had a struggle for identity.  I wanted to know who I was without the chief narrative that seemed to define me for more than fifty years.  

Over the last forty four days, I have been journeying back and reading my journal entries from Atheism for Lent.  2022 is a different year than 2023.  There was different material in the course and I had undergone a ritual at the end of Lent in 2022 that made the journey in 2023 very different.  I had experienced, as Pete Rollins calls it, "The Death of God".  

"The Death of God" is not the same as white washing the whole narrative as a fantasy.  It wasn't a fantasy for me, it was real as much as I could have experienced real at the time.  I had no doubts for decades that something was amiss. I can't remember the struggles.  But there was a death, a tragic death, that took time to unfold.  Atheism for Lent helped give a voice to that tragedy.  

Pete Rollins didn't just offer wisdom, he provided community for those "decentering".  It was in the community that I found others who needed to navigate their loss of "God".  I saw some who tracked well, and others that struggled with the material.  It wasn't always easy to process the AFL course readings.  Some of my blog posts will attest to that.  But I was encouraged at the perseverance that others had to keep going.  

I didn't go through the course this year.  I think it had something to do with my birthday landing on the last day of Lent... Bad Friday (My new term for it... I figured Jesus wouldn't agree with the "Good" Friday label either). I wanted to do something different.  To discover the voices that added something to my Atheist journey.  It was a different Atheism for Lent that Pete would have offered, but I would still like to thank him for the inspiration to go deeper.  And going deeper together is better than going deeper alone.  So I came back to this blog and shared my journey with those who were willing to be a part of it.  

Today is fifteen years since my husband and I got married.  Fifteen years ago, I started on a journey with a former co-worker of mine and I am still travelling with him.  It's not always a bed of roses as most married couples will attest to, but what I have experienced is something better than a bed of roses... it's all about "going somewhere deeper together".  

When Atheism isn't Atheistic enough: Radical Theology and the Death of God. 

Day 44: 2022 - "Go in Pieces and wash some feet"

Day 44: 2023 - "Sad Easter"

Day 43: Humanize Me

It was Drew Marshall that introduced me to Bart Campolo.  His first interview on the Drew Marshall show was ten years ago.  It was four years ago when I picked up Bart's book that he wrote with his dad.  (see first book blog post on "Why I left, Why I stayed").  I then found his podcast "Humanize Me".  It wasn't long until I joined up to support him and then had access to a wealth of information and content, including ten hours of conversations Bart had with his dad that led to the documentary "Leaving my Father's Faith" .  

I was still hanging on to Jesus as a somewhat real entity in my life when all this exposure to Bart happened.  I can't say that Bart's podcast or story influenced me away from Christianity, but as I floated farther and farther away from the security of those beliefs, Bart offered a life preserver for me.  For that I am grateful.  Life could continue to have meaning for me.  I just had to make meaning myself instead of finding it in an external source.  

I reread Bart's book in summer of 2022. (see post here).  This time I was on a three day camping trip in the bush and without access to electronics.  I discovered so much more peace in the story and a greater connection to Bart's story that I did the first time around.  

Here are some podcast interviews that Bart had that I found inspirational and enlightening.   

Graceful Atheist interview with Bart Campolo

Harmonic Atheist Interview with Bart Campolo

* * * 

I still don't feel comfortable with the "Humanist" label for myself.  It still seems limiting.  I am still looking for a positive identity for me that includes more than just my humanity, even though it is a very important part of the picture.  I want to be seen not just for my humanity, but for how I fit in to the bigger picture of the world and cosmos around me.  Maybe one day I will find a better label than agnostic atheist... I'm still waiting. 

I also want to give a shout out to the Humanize Me Facebook group.  It is Bart who understood and emphasized the importance of community after Christianity.  I really am part of a bigger whole.  I really am ... "not alone". 

 

Here is one of my favourite interviews that Bart has on "Humanize Me"... with his friend Peter Rollins.  I will be highlighting Pete and his Pyrotheology tomorrow. 

Humanize me: Bart interviews Peter Rollins

Day 43: 2022 - "Unplug the Machines, Let him go!"

Day 43: 2023 - "Toxic Tulips" 

Day 42: The Graceful Atheist

"My name is David, and I am trying to be 'The Graceful Atheist'" David Ames

I was nervous on the morning of my "Graceful Atheist" podcast interview.  About two years ago, I decided to tell my story on the podcast... (or the parts of the story that would seem tellable at the time. ) I had never been on a podcast before.  There was enough encouragement from the Deconversion Anonymous Facebook community that it would be alright.  

I went to my mom's farm for the interview and was thankful that she had somewhere else to be that morning.  I had notes that I could follow, but somehow understood that I would probably veer off track quite easily.  I think I made a list of the stories I didn't want to tell, more than the stories I wanted to share.  

David made it easy for me to vomit my life.  He was the first person to offer me a space to share my story.  There was no judgement, no concern... only encouragement, understanding and time.  He took the time to hear what I had to say.  I can't say it was at all a polished interview on my part.. but for my first attempt it was okay.  (Some of those stories that I didn't want to tell... came out anyway) 

Ruby Gets Real Graceful Atheist Interview.  June 19, 2022

Two years ago, I was still up in the air about labelling myself an atheist.  I was okay with agnostic, but the atheist label was still a challenge for me to accept.  As I read through my Authentic Lent 2022 posts, I can see the struggle to let go of my theist roots.  But as 2023 comes around, the struggle seemed to dissipate.  

David was so encouraging to help me understand that where I was... was okay.  After the interview, and while listening to other interviews, I got the peace that I just need to be who I am where I am and when I am.   David is the "Graceful Atheist"... and now I am the "Grateful Atheist".  I am grateful for the opportunity to share what I could of some of my journey, and I am grateful for the community that came along with the podcast.  

For more of David's story, here is a podcast that he did on Harmonic Atheist.  

"Christianity kept falling apart and eventually it was 'game over'". David Ames

* * * 

The Deconversion Anonymous Facebook group has been an oasis for me. I still feel alone in my own community.  The known"atheist" friends I have, I can count on one hand.  I shared my interview with two people... and one was a pastor friend of mine that I went to school with.  

The podcast is currently taking a break from producing episodes, but there is a wealth of interviews for anyone's listening encouragement and inspiration.  Here are some past episodes that I found particularly helpful and inspiring. 

Bart Campolo

Sasha Sagan

Darrel Ray: Recovering From Religion

Daniel: Psychology of Apologetics

Rachel Hunt: Recovering from Religion

I would recommend both "The Graceful Atheist" podcast and the Facebook community "Deconversion Anonymous" to anyone who needs a safe place to come to through deconstruction and after deconversion.  Sometimes it just takes one story to remind you that you are not alone.  

Day 42: 2022 - Blisters on my Brain

Day 42: 2023 - "Tasting the Pain" 

Day 41: Secular Spirituality with Sam Harris

"Dear Reader—

I have been waiting for more than a decade to write Waking Up. Long before I saw any reason to criticize religion (The End of Faith, Letter to a Christian Nation), or to connect moral and scientific truths (The Moral Landscape, Free Will, Lying), I was interested in the nature of human consciousness and the possibility of “spiritual” experience. In Waking Up, I do my best to show that a certain form of spirituality is integral to understanding the nature of our minds.

There is no discrete self or ego living like a minotaur in the labyrinth of the brain. And the feeling that there is—the sense of being perched somewhere behind your eyes, looking out at a world that is separate from yourself—can be altered or entirely extinguished. Although such experiences of “self-transcendence” are generally thought about in religious terms, there is nothing, in principle, irrational about them. From both a scientific and a philosophical point of view, they represent a clearer understanding of the way things are.

My hope is that Waking Up will help readers see the nature of their own minds in a new light. A rational approach to spirituality seems to be what is missing from secularism and from the lives of most of the people I meet. The purpose of this book is to offer readers a clear view of the problem, along with some tools to help them solve it for themselves.

I sincerely hope you find it useful."

Sam Harris

* * * 

It's Monday morning and I am having a hard time waking up... so it's not a big surprise that Sam's book sparked my attention this morning when I went into my Books on my Mac to see if I could download it.  I think my Apple "Books" is having a hard time waking up too.  I can't get the book downloaded even on my Iphone.  Oh well.  I am still in the middle of reading Abby Hafer and Neil DeGrasse Tyson's books.  I guess Sam will have to wait.  

I get to confess this morning that I haven't read a single book from any of the Four Horseman... Richard Dawkins, Christopher Hitchens, Daniel Dennett and Sam Harris.  I have no excuses to present at this time... but maybe I can eventually get around to getting a book from Sam on my read (as in past tense) list.   Out of those four, Sam Harris has been the most inspirational for me.  The whole idea of spirituality still intrigues me.  I don't want to toss that baby out with the religious bathwater.  I like the idea of still being able to connect with the universe... maybe not in a ritualistic way, but in a thoughtful meditative way. 

I just had some bacon and eggs and feel a little more rejuvenated.   I pulled out a spring inspired puzzle and am separating the pieces.  I just listened to Sam Harris talk about secular spirituality and mindfulness.  I think I am ready to take on the day!  

"Consciousness is the one thing in this universe, including the universe,  that cannot be an illusion." Sam Harris

"Waking up" with Sam Harris

Day 41: 2022 - "I'm Okay" 

Day 41: 2023 - "Finding Figment" 

Day 40: Blucky

Day 40: 2022  - "Poplar Sunday"

Day 40: 2023 - "The Holy Hole" 

Two years ago, I renamed today "Poplar Sunday.  As I explain in my 2022 post, I was looking for something more fitting my time and place on this planet.  

This morning I was out in the hot tub trying to figure out what my last Sunday post of Advent would be.  When I got out, I saw the sunrise peaking through the poplar trees on the other side of the highway.  I went inside to get my camera and record the moment for my blog.  

There are still no leaves on the trees, but the morning sun breaking through adds life to the otherwise lifeless looking trees.  I guess that is all I can hope for at this time of year. 

I have five more days after today to share inspiring voices that have helped me along my journey.  I have saved the best for the last.  These are the pivotal people and their communities that have been the core inspiration and guidance for me for the last few years.  The bulk of my gratitude lies with these five people... but not just people... some are so much more than just their individual contributions.  Three of the five offered communities where I could find an oasis from a confusing world and it's demands on my certainty.  I am more indebted to the communities than to the individuals, but thankful for the individuals for leading me to the communities.  

On line communities are much like those poplar trees across from my house.  Sometimes I hope for something closer to me with more life, so the hugs could be felt instead of just interpreted through emojis.  They are there, but not in the fullness of what could be.  I am so grateful for the on line connections, but honestly... they still leave an emptiness in me.  Most are people far away that I will never see in my life time.  They may think a lot like me, but they won't see my tears when my world collapses.  

So I am left to find that space with those who wonder if I am okay.  I am left to hug and share my tears with Christians.  But I am thankful that most of the Christians in my life are still there to offer hugs and share tears with no requirement that I conform to their belief systems.  

I am truly "blucky"... a new word for me... a combination of blessed and lucky.  It brings together the religious "blessed" and the secular "lucky".  I figure I need something in between those two worlds to define how I feel.  

blessed: bringing pleasure, contentment, or good fortune

lucky: producing or resulting in good by chance 

blucky: Maybe I'm lucky, maybe I'm blessed, but I don't want to waste my time trying to figure out which one... so I will be blucky.  

(Note: I did google "blucky" and found that someone else merged blessed and lucky together back in 2019.  Oh well... so it's not original.  No worries.  It still works.) 

Day 39: HAPPY INTERNATIONAL ATHEIST DAY! March 23 (#ATHEISTDAY)

 

"We atheists and atheist allies hereby declare that from now on, March 23rd is Atheist Day. We recognize the struggle of atheists to live authentic lives in many parts of the world. The struggle to openly affirm one’s atheism. The fear of intolerant governments, mobs, and religious zealots.

This struggle often includes the risk of professional, social and familial ostracization. Sometimes, this authenticity results in paying the ultimate price — one’s life. Many of our brethren have been brutally murdered for professing the very principles that this day represents: the freedom of and from religion, the right to be free of discrimination and persecution, and the freedom to profess one’s beliefs.

Many of us happily interact with people whom we admire and trust who unbeknownst to us, are closeted atheists. The world is full of atheists who are silent about their true convictions. Why? Simply this: a fear of reprisal and discrimination based on misinformation, ranging from the subtle to the life-threatening.

People should not be persecuted for their lack of belief in a god or a religion. That’s all we’re asking.

Some people however, believe that disagreeing with deeply held beliefs is hate. But it’s not.

We wish to remind our fellow human beings that many of the most powerful ideas — ideas that changed our world — were once heretical.

Many of the most radical thinkers and reformists in past eras were blasphemers against the established order of their day. "

 (Taken from the Declaration on the Atheist Republic Website) 

Today, March 23,  is International Atheist Day.  After perusing the internet, I found that there is a symbol for Atheist Day - a green circle.  I have been collecting puzzle pieces for a while from puzzles I didn't finish.  Instead of throwing them out... I just started collecting them.  I can fill a mop bucket with the amount of discarded puzzle pieces I have.  I went through my collection last night and pulled out all the green pieces, so I could make my own green circle in honour of Atheists day.  

I don't know how I will spend today... but I am glad I have at least this place to share my creative efforts.  Other than my online communities, I don't have many people I can share this day with.  But I want to honour it for all the people around the world that are at great risk for being atheists.  I'm not one of them.  I have caused sadness in my circles by leaving Christianity... but no one is arresting me, throwing me in prison, or executing me... just because I don't believe in the  "Christian God" or "Allah".  

Jigsaw puzzling for me is like being an atheist.  I have connections on line and across the world, but in my own community at home... there are not that many that I can share my passion with.  So I mostly puzzle alone.  I wish I could puzzle more with others, just like I wish I could go to Bahacon and connect with other secular minds and hearts.  But for now... I will share what I can and be grateful that so many others are out there giving a voice to make Atheism acceptable and normal in our society.  

I found some videos marking March 23 as Atheist Day going back to 2019.  So with these voices, I want to add my own.  

"Happy Atheist Day... and let's hope and work toward a day when all humans will find a common ground of love for each other... just because we are human!

#ATHEISTDAY MARCH 23RD. (2019) 

HAPPY ATHEIST DAY "LET'S NORMALIZE ATHEISM 2022

ATHEIST DAY: MARCH 23, 2021

MARCH 23 IS ATHEIST DAY (2022)! 

INTERNATIONAL ATHEIST DAY (2022) Seth Andrews

THE BEST OF ATHEIST DAY 2023

HAPPY ATHEIST DAY 2024 from the Atheist Community of Austin

Youtube "#AtheistDay" Collection

Day 39: 2022 - "Mike and Bart Debate"

Day 39: 2023 - "A Day for Fools"