Day 24: It's still Friday the 13th in Hawaii

It's 3:48 am... the day after the day I was supposed to write this post.  Oh well... I'm getting old and forgetting is part of the journey.  It's nice to finally incorporate that into Authentic Lent.  But it is still Friday the 13th in Hawaii.  

I will share the picture I got on Friday the 13th.  This is a garden handcrafted by Alma who is a beautiful four-year old that I have never met.  Her mother and I are friends, but for her, I am just the person who has been donating members of her stuffed animal collection to her.  She has never met me.  I hope one day for that to change.  I would love to meet her.  I guess that would require a change in the relationship of her mother and I.  Up until now, we have only connected in places of work.  

I am back in that place wondering what I could do to connect more with special people in my life.  Am I responsible for the lack that occurs?  Could I do something more to make certain relationships more connected?  I wish I knew the answer to that question.  

Time to go back to bed!  

Day 23: Bunny Envy

I'm having a day where I envy this bunny.  I don't envy being out in the cold.  I don't envy being coyote bait.  I don't envy having to hunt for my food in a frozen tundra.  I envy his ability to live in the moment and take what comes at him.  I envy his freedom from organized systems and agendas.  I envy his freedom from technology.  I even envy his caution of humanity.  

I am, however, having interactions with people this week that are encouraging me to keep positive about connecting.  My human interactions this week are telling me it's okay to reach out.  Risk being loved.  Risk being rejected, but risk being loved.  

Day 22: Jesus made the cover of Newsweek!

Not sure what else to say today about this.  I was getting goat yogurt in Safeway  today and found this by the checkout counter.  I just took the picture.  I was not interested in spending $18 to find out what Newsweek had to say about Jesus this Lent.  I can't say they have an evangelism agenda as an organization.   Who knows?  It's Lent.  Maybe they figured that Jesus sells during Lent.  Oh well.  That's it.  That's all folks!  
 

Day 21: Reconstruction

 

There is a time for everything,

    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

   a time to be born and a time to die,

    a time to plant and a time to uproot,

     a time to kill and a time to heal,

    a time to tear down and a time to build,

     a time to weep and a time to laugh,

    a time to mourn and a time to dance,

     a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,

     a time to search and a time to give up,

    a time to keep and a time to throw away,

     a time to tear and a time to mend,

    a time to be silent and a time to speak,

     a time to love and a time to hate,

    a time for war and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8 (NIV) 

I've been listening to Pete Holmes in conversation with Rob Bell, Richard Rohr and Pete Rollins.  I am wondering why I missed him in my journey until now.  Maybe I missed him, or maybe it's perfect timing to listen to his conversations with three people who have already had a significant impact on my journey thus far.  Pete Holmes offers a different perspective, a different vibe and opens up new avenues of inspiration with the voices I'm so familiar with. 

One recurring theme is reconstruction.  It's a idea that I didn't want to hear about for the last few years.  I was content to just tear down the walls of the structures that didn't work for me and stand in the rubble.  I felt no need to build anything new.  

I've recently had the joy of seeing the stages of a new construction.  My nephew is building a house.  He is going beyond what anyone else in his family has done.  He is doing his own thing and building something entirely different for his new family.  I am proud of him.  I get to see it again today.  For him, the time is to build.  He has seen a lot of destruction in his life and it didn't stop him from dreaming bigger.  In the words of the author of Ecclesiastes... there is a time to rebuild. 

But what does that look like for me in my journey?   What have these conversations of these influential men taught me about the need to keep going?  What does reconstruction look like for me?                     

Alongside my daily readings of AL, I am also reading through what might be called my "reconstruction".  In 2024, I wrote what I call "I'm Still Somewhere".  It is a collection of 44 short essays or chapters of how I see life now that I am past the letting go of what I how I used to see life.  Some thoughts are consistent with how I've always seen life and some thoughts are just realized and now have the freedom to be in my expressions and in my understanding.  

After some years of letting go of the stuff that didn't work for me, I felt I needed to put into words what was working for me.  Even if I would end up being the only person who read it.  So far, I am the only person who has read it.   

Pete Holmes, Rob Bell, Richard Rohr and Peter Rollins seem to have one thing in common that interests me from an outside perspective.  They all seem to still value the Bible as something still worth accessing as a resource.  They have all either departed from or never had the Evangelical Christian idolization of the perfection of the document.  But they still find nuggets within the pages of the story.  

I wonder sometimes if I will get to a place in my journey where I will go looking for nuggets again.  I am still not interested in picking up the Bible in any format for any duration of time.  Right now, it would be like diving in to the very waters that I saw in a Drew Binsky video yesterday.  For me, those waters are still polluted, septic and insanitary... and yet, I see people swimming in them with joy.  

Maybe I don't have to swim in those waters... maybe a cruise along the channels in a boat will give me something more one day.  For now... I am just watching others head in that direction and for some reason, they are able to navigate those waters with a lot of grace. Maybe there is hope... I did open up this blog post with Ecclesiastes 3:1-8.                                                                                                                                                            

Day 20: Castilleja... inspiring creativity.

I dug this photo out from the archives in my iPhone.  It was taken on my husband's birthday back in 2020.  Paintbrush, (or its botanical name "Castilleja" that I just learned today)  is my favourite wildflower.  I grew up in Northern B.C. and Paintbrush was a common appearance on our farm.   Now I have to go on a two hour drive to find it in bushes or the ditches alongside the highways west of me.  

It may not be the prettiest of flowers and it doesn't have an amazing fragrance, but it's wild and that's what I love about it.  It grows in its own place on it's own time and with no need to be domesticated in someone's garden.  

I admire the things in nature that stay in nature.  I realize that they face their own dangers, but they make the world a beautiful place without the manicuring hands of humans.  

Castilleja is Spanish for Castle.  Castilleja, the wildflower, was named by botanist José Celestino Mutis in honor of Spanish botanist Domingo Castillejo.

"In Native American cultures, the [Castilleja or otherwise labelled as Indian Paintbrush] has been a symbol of creativity and artistic inspiration. Tribes such as the Apache and Comanche believed that these flowers were gifts from the Great Spirit, meant to inspire painters and artists." (Wikipedia)

What's not to admire about a flower that inspires creativity.  Now I know why my heart fell in love with this flower... and I didn't even realize it until now!  

Day 19: Downsizing Puzzles and Life

This year, I've been incorporating my own pictures and experiences instead of harvesting from Google.  It's sometimes a challenge to find an inspirational image or an image to match the inspiration I have already in words.  I just finished a 1000 piece Cobble Hill puzzle called Farm Country.  What better place to give it a home than here... and my Cobble Hill Files... and Instagram ... and back on the shelf.  Oh well.  So it has four homes.  

I still like puzzling.  I'm not totally sick of it yet.  But I have downsized to accomodate my changing moods.  I'm not that excited to take on the big puzzles like 1000 or 2000 pc puzzles.  I would rather enjoy a 500 or 350 pc puzzle.  I can do more images and I don't get tired of the process.  

Maybe it also means that I can't run with the rest of the performance pack ...  but I'm not a performer when it comes to puzzling.  I like doing my own thing.  Maybe that says more about the way I am doing life now, not just puzzles.  I don't need to perform, I don't need to run with the pack, I don't need to do anything other than live and love.  If that means that I just sit in my office on a Sunday morning do a 500 pc puzzle... than that's what it is.  And I am okay!  

 

Day 18: Can Tom and I start finding again?

2022: "I need to let the sand pour from my hands as if never to hold it again."

2023:   "I lost and don't even know if I have it in me to start finding again."

2024:  "I was simply liberated by the thought that there might be a way to engage with religion without having to subscribe to its supernatural content." Alain De Boton

2025:  "Anyone who gives me freedom to find a connection to the beyond without using the word "God" has my attention." 

In my readings this morning, I found extra inspiration from all of the four Day 18 readings.   I went back to those readings and pulled out four quotes... three from me and one from Alain De Boton.  

I look at all four quotes and I am thinking that they can paint the picture of what it's like for me to even dream of the idea of making new friends at this stage of my life.  2023 makes that one very clear.  It seems tempting at times to let the sand drain through my hands than to hang on to any of it.  

One of my favourite Christmas movies is "Miracle on 34th Street" with Richard Attenborough.  There is a scene when Brian and Dory are heading back to their apartment building after a date night and the discussion leads to Dory's caution about relationships.  

"I'm careful at this point in my life, I really don't need to be disappointed."  

Following that admission, Brian hands Dory an engagement ring and she refuses it.  Eventually she faces her fears and they get married at the end of the movie, but in that moment, it is hard not to empathize with her.  She lost and didn't know if she finding was something she could do again.  

This picture I chose today is of Tom.  He's a cat that, with his mom,  has recently moved in across the street from me.  He doesn't look all that impressed.  I wonder if he has the same feelings I do.  Maybe he lost and doesn't know if it's in him to start finding again.  

I would like to end this post on a hopeful note, but I will just end it.  The story is yet to unfold and I am still fearful.  Not every canvas is painted in one day.