Day 33: This is where I find community

This is our local post office in Calmar, Alberta.  In the last year, it has become my favourite business in Calmar.  It has become the place where I find my community.  

My community these days is a collection of letters and postcards that come into my mailbox every so often.  It is the most consistent form of community I have.  These are my Faraway Friends.  

There is no obligations to perform... just responses to make.  I like that.  Our stories are shared in pieces and like a puzzle, we put those pieces together over our correspondence.  

Day 32: "I never puzzle alone"

 Today, I was in a room filled with over a hundred puzzlers.  It was a surreal experience when I realized that most of the time, my puzzling experience involves me and my cat.  I didn't know whether to feel embraced or reminded that it was only a brief moment in time are my puzzling reality was isolating and lonely.  Puzzles are lonely.  

There was a reason I was volunteering and not competing.  I  tell people that it's because I'm not a speed puzzler.  I'm not... but if the whole truth be told it's because I would only be able to qualify for the individual round.  To be a part of the pairs and teams, one needs other people to puzzle with.  I don't have that.  So I volunteer and get to watch other people puzzle together and hope I can make it through the day without seriously reflecting how lonely I really feel inside in that crowd of puzzlers.  

Day 31: Cozy beds aren't everyone's choice

Will someone tell me why I made a bed for my cat to sleep on my puzzle table... when he wants to sleep beside the bed.  I would think that the bed would be more comfortable.  

Actually... today is the first time he hasn't curled up on the fleece bed I made for him.  For some reason a shopping bag was a more desirable cuddle object for him.  

Just because something looks more appealing to me, doesn't mean it is more appealing to him.  That... is life.  I think I will a hang onto these pictures for a while.  Maybe someone else needs to see them.  Maybe one person's idea of a cozy bed isn't always the desired choice for someone else to sleep in.  

Day 30: Good Night.

 Another day goes by and I have nothing of any value to contribute to this blog except "Good Night".  This might be my last time journalling through Lent.  This isn't writing anymore when I have to get out of bed and type something in the computer just to say I wrote something.  It's Day 30... fifteen more days and I can say it's over.  Two weeks to Good Friday and I can be done with this... either for another year or for good.  I guess I won't know until Ash Wednesday arrives in 2027.  

Day 29: Time to write another postcard

"Well.  this is called Authentic Lent.  I am at day 29 and authentically have reached my maximum potential for intake on this course.  I am tired, worn out, sick, and my brain isn't processing the great stuff like I had hoped.  But I will keep going until the end and will find something of value.   

I think this might be the last time I commit to daily writing of anything. " Ruby Neumann

 I wrote this back in 2022 when I first started this blog and was in my first Atheism for Lent Course.  Twenty nine days in and I was already ready to give up writing.  Now I am here four years later still writing and still thinking I should give up.  

I have found that when I write for myself, I am the one who reads it.  When I write for others, others read it.  It is rare if ever that I write for myself and others enjoy reading my thoughts.  Even though I've posted a lot of those thoughts on this blog format, it's not a place people want to go to to know me.  

I've been writing postcards for the last year and have connected with people from around the world.  That has been evident as a journey of joy.  I have brought joy to myself and also brought joy to others.  Often times, there is no profound thoughts that graces those postcards.  Often times, I don't share my soul or wisdom with people.  But those postcards have been more of a joy exchange than anything I've written in any of my blogs.  

I've noticed the same thing about the books I've written.  When I wrote my Ben book and my Niffer book, they were received by my mother as a gift and a collection of healing words and memories of her grandson and daughter.  But when the words are about me... not so much.  I'm still here.  Mom doesn't need my words... she needs me.  The reason that the other books resonated with her was because she needed the stories to remember her missing family members.  She's not missing me yet.  My words are not needed yet while I am still here.  

So my conundrum is... "Do I still continue to write?"  

As long as I find a benefit to writing, then I will still write.  I matter too.  I need my words more than anyone else needs them.  So, yes, I will continue to write... to myself, and to others.  But the words will be different.  I've learned that and it's been a hard lesson.  My ego wishes that my words mattered to more people than just myself.  So when I start feeling sorry for myself... maybe it's time to write another postcard.  

 

Day 28: Feeling safe around the story

 

This is my Mom's Christmas tree that I didn't have the heart to send to storage this year.  I set it up in my bedroom at her house.  That way next Christmas I just have to move it from the back of the house to the living room.  No trudging through snow with an already decorated Christmas tree.  That's right.  It stays decorated all year round.  So this year, it gets to stand in the house all year round.   

I even set up the Nativity display as well.  The whole enchilada is there waiting for December to roll around again.  

I don't feel the need anymore to shut out the story in my life.  I am seeing value in the story because now, I see it as all story.  There is nothing left in my head that needs to embrace it as other than story.  I'm finally feeling safe again.  That is a great feeling.  I've missed feeling safe.  

Day 27: No Profoundness today!

 It's bed time and I realized I haven't posted yet.  It's Day 27 which is about the time in the 45 days that it gets challenging to come up with something to write.  I grabbed a picture of a sunset from April 15, 2025.   

I'm tired.  Had a rough night last night.  So won't write long here.  But I figure I need something profound to say. 

Nope... nothing there that is on the tip of my brain tonight.  Maybe tomorrow.  But that is life.  Life is filled with days where profound thoughts are elusive.  Today is one such day!