Day 29: Time to write another postcard

"Well.  this is called Authentic Lent.  I am at day 29 and authentically have reached my maximum potential for intake on this course.  I am tired, worn out, sick, and my brain isn't processing the great stuff like I had hoped.  But I will keep going until the end and will find something of value.   

I think this might be the last time I commit to daily writing of anything. " Ruby Neumann

 I wrote this back in 2022 when I first started this blog and was in my first Atheism for Lent Course.  Twenty nine days in and I was already ready to give up writing.  Now I am here four years later still writing and still thinking I should give up.  

I have found that when I write for myself, I am the one who reads it.  When I write for others, others read it.  It is rare if ever that I write for myself and others enjoy reading my thoughts.  Even though I've posted a lot of those thoughts on this blog format, it's not a place people want to go to to know me.  

I've been writing postcards for the last year and have connected with people from around the world.  That has been evident as a journey of joy.  I have brought joy to myself and also brought joy to others.  Often times, there is no profound thoughts that graces those postcards.  Often times, I don't share my soul or wisdom with people.  But those postcards have been more of a joy exchange than anything I've written in any of my blogs.  

I've noticed the same thing about the books I've written.  When I wrote my Ben book and my Niffer book, they were received by my mother as a gift and a collection of healing words and memories of her grandson and daughter.  But when the words are about me... not so much.  I'm still here.  Mom doesn't need my words... she needs me.  The reason that the other books resonated with her was because she needed the stories to remember her missing family members.  She's not missing me yet.  My words are not needed yet while I am still here.  

So my conundrum is... "Do I still continue to write?"  

As long as I find a benefit to writing, then I will still write.  I matter too.  I need my words more than anyone else needs them.  So, yes, I will continue to write... to myself, and to others.  But the words will be different.  I've learned that and it's been a hard lesson.  My ego wishes that my words mattered to more people than just myself.  So when I start feeling sorry for myself... maybe it's time to write another postcard.  

 

Day 28: Feeling safe around the story

 

This is my Mom's Christmas tree that I didn't have the heart to send to storage this year.  I set it up in my bedroom at her house.  That way next Christmas I just have to move it from the back of the house to the living room.  No trudging through snow with an already decorated Christmas tree.  That's right.  It stays decorated all year round.  So this year, it gets to stand in the house all year round.   

I even set up the Nativity display as well.  The whole enchilada is there waiting for December to roll around again.  

I don't feel the need anymore to shut out the story in my life.  I am seeing value in the story because now, I see it as all story.  There is nothing left in my head that needs to embrace it as other than story.  I'm finally feeling safe again.  That is a great feeling.  I've missed feeling safe.  

Day 27: No Profoundness today!

 It's bed time and I realized I haven't posted yet.  It's Day 27 which is about the time in the 45 days that it gets challenging to come up with something to write.  I grabbed a picture of a sunset from April 15, 2025.   

I'm tired.  Had a rough night last night.  So won't write long here.  But I figure I need something profound to say. 

Nope... nothing there that is on the tip of my brain tonight.  Maybe tomorrow.  But that is life.  Life is filled with days where profound thoughts are elusive.  Today is one such day!   

Day 26: Can I leave the label out of the conversation?

"Some need religion, some  need chocolate, some need both,  some don't need either.  But maybe we can still sit at the same table and enjoy each other while we nibble on what tastes good for us."  RN

"Maybe its a pipe dream, but what would this world look like if it didn't matter what someone else thought or believed?  What if we didn't need to have others on the same page as us or even in the same book.  What if we could all be a library, still sharing space with our own expressions and perspectives?" RN

Three out of four of my Day 26 readings had something to do with food.  So I figured maybe today, I can talk about food.  Two years ago, I talked about being a Carnivore Atheist.  I looked and saw that for some reason, that day I was okay to label myself as an atheist.  I'm not that fond of that label now.   It doesn't say much about me.  Truth be told, the label of Carnivore doesn't say much about me either.  I can tell someone I'm a Carnivore and then I still have to go into a lengthy explanation as to what I eat.  So why don't I just go right to the menu and leave the label out of the conversation.  

I still eat beef, pork, fish, eggs, and occasionally some poultry and goat yogurt.  

I have been enjoying Pete Holmes take on spirituality lately.  I was listening to a conversation he had on a podcast with an evangelical Christian.  It was so encouraging to hear his honesty and ability to counter the topics so laced with Christianese.  They had a very cordial conversation.  It didn't get heated up once.  There were a lot of disagreements, but they did it very gracefully.  

Their interaction actually scared me from ever wanting a conversation like that myself, even though I have said often that I would love it.  It doesn't look easy at all.  Pete Holmes is a professional entertainer and comedian.  Words come easy for him.  I'm only confident in the words that my fingers bring to reality... not my mouth.  

Maybe Pete didn't convince the host, but from my perspective... I find it a lot easier to embrace the story of life with Pete's take on spirituality, than the host's.  

In the end, the ribeye tastes better than the chocolate ever will!!! 

Day 25: Nothing is Complete

"You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist." Nietszsche

I found this quote in one of my readings this morning.  

The picture I chose today is of the 3000 pc World Puzzle Map that my Mom and I worked on for a good two years.  Mom finished it and there were five missing pieces.  I'd like to think that is a better picture of our planet than a complete puzzle.  There are holes in most everything we deal with as a human species.  Holes are a part of the story.  

We are all looking at life through our own lens.  That in itself gives us holes.  Nothing is complete.  The only way doesn't exist. Nietzsche was... well maybe not correct... the correct way doesn't exist either.  Nietzsche had a good point.  It makes sense.  And making sense... that is the best I can hope for!  

Day 24: It's still Friday the 13th in Hawaii

It's 3:48 am... the day after the day I was supposed to write this post.  Oh well... I'm getting old and forgetting is part of the journey.  It's nice to finally incorporate that into Authentic Lent.  But it is still Friday the 13th in Hawaii.  

I will share the picture I got on Friday the 13th.  This is a garden handcrafted by Alma who is a beautiful four-year old that I have never met.  Her mother and I are friends, but for her, I am just the person who has been donating members of her stuffed animal collection to her.  She has never met me.  I hope one day for that to change.  I would love to meet her.  I guess that would require a change in the relationship of her mother and I.  Up until now, we have only connected in places of work.  

I am back in that place wondering what I could do to connect more with special people in my life.  Am I responsible for the lack that occurs?  Could I do something more to make certain relationships more connected?  I wish I knew the answer to that question.  

Time to go back to bed!  

Day 23: Bunny Envy

I'm having a day where I envy this bunny.  I don't envy being out in the cold.  I don't envy being coyote bait.  I don't envy having to hunt for my food in a frozen tundra.  I envy his ability to live in the moment and take what comes at him.  I envy his freedom from organized systems and agendas.  I envy his freedom from technology.  I even envy his caution of humanity.  

I am, however, having interactions with people this week that are encouraging me to keep positive about connecting.  My human interactions this week are telling me it's okay to reach out.  Risk being loved.  Risk being rejected, but risk being loved.