Now I know why I have tolerated being misunderstood. It requires too much emotional energy to educate others about who I really am.
But how much do I tolerate? When is enough? When will I feel justified in causing a scene so I can feel more known?
I couldn't even make a scene at my own birthday party. At the risk of making it a 100% painful event, I tolerated what I had to in order to make it a 90% enjoyable party. But today... that ten percent came back to mind and I spend about a half an hour in the hot tub releasing the emotions that stuffed in the back just so I can have some time with my family.
I risked a lot yesterday. I risked being rejected. I risked being ignored. I risked my creativity and wisdom being swept under the table.
But not everyone swept my offerings under the table. I got to spend a few moments in a sweet discussion about the words I shared. I understand that you can throw a whole bag of seed into the wind and only get one or two flowers. Maybe those two flowers are beautiful on their own. Maybe I don't need all the seed to germinate. But something in me still wish it had.
