Thursday, March 30, 2023

Day 37: Two Flowers

 


Now I know why I have tolerated being misunderstood.  It requires too much emotional energy to educate others about who I really am. 

But how much do I tolerate?  When is enough?  When will I feel justified in causing a scene so I can feel more known? 

I couldn't even make a scene at my own birthday party.  At the risk of making it a 100% painful event, I tolerated what I had to in order to make it a 90% enjoyable party.  But today... that ten percent came back to mind and I spend about a half an hour in the hot tub releasing the emotions that stuffed in the back just so I can have some time with my family.  

I risked a lot yesterday.  I risked being rejected.  I risked being ignored.  I risked my creativity and wisdom being swept under the table.  

But not everyone swept my offerings under the table.  I got to spend a few moments in a sweet discussion about the words I shared.  I understand that you can throw a whole bag of seed into the wind and only get one or two flowers.  Maybe those two flowers are beautiful on their own.  Maybe I don't need all the seed to germinate.  But something in me still wish it had.  

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