Day 37: What is

I saw the moon this morning... and then I didn't see the moon.  It is almost full.  In two days it will be full.  This is what a google search told me about Friday's full moon.  

"The first full moon of spring — the pink moon — will light up the night sky on Friday, April 12, 2025. Although it won't actually appear pink, this full moon is named after the early blooming pink phlox flowers, which signal the arrival of springtime."

I've never heard the first full moon of spring referred to the pink moon.  It didn't look very pink this morning, but I will have to keep my eye on it to see if I can see pink.  

There is "what is"

There is "what I believe about what is"

There is "what some say that it is"

There is "what I believe about what some say that it is"

There is "what I see"

There is "what I believe about what I see"

There is what is

* * * 

Today's reflection title bothers me... so much so that I don't want to listen to the reflection.  

"Why only an Atheist can believe". Slavoj Žižek.  

I am already surmising that each word gets reinterpreted under another set of standards.  He doesn't stipulate in the title "what" the Atheist can only believe.  There is the conundrum.  The reader has to already assume meaning based on lack of specifics.  

I looked up my AFL history and didn't find any inspiration from Žižek over the past years.  Not every voice inspires me.  But since this is my last year of AFL... maybe I need to give this voice a chance.  Even though I am skeptical about his premise from the get go.  

I am in for a long listen.  This sound bite is two hours long.  Yikes.  I guess this will be something I will have to chew on for a while.  I will be back... if I make it through the two hours. And even if I don't make it through... I will be back ...  Even if that means tomorrow.  I think we will get two days to chew on Žižek. 

Day 36: Messengers of Love covered in fur.

 

Love looks different at my house.  Love shows up with fur and four legs.  Love doesn't come when we want it to,  There is no demanding love.  It just comes and brings with it a peace that fills our hearts and our home.  This morning five messengers of love showed up for my husband in the early morning hours.  He needed some extra love today.  Mostly it is only one or two, but this morning when my husband needed it... five messengers showed up.  

They come for the bird seed we have on a plate that we can observe from our kitchen window.  That's right... these messengers of love like bird seed.  They almost never show up in the daylight hours.  They come when it's dark.  Like the stars... their beauty is only visible at night.  

I won't ever see love as ethereal anymore.  Love has air in its lungs and a warm beating heart in its body.  And sometimes love comes covered in fur.  

Day 35: At least the sky has something to say

 Sometimes there are no words to share.  So I am thankful there was a sunset.  At least the sky has something to say tonight.  

Day 34: Not much to share today

"Larch Valley" by Alison Philpotts (StumpCraft Puzzles) 

Day 34: The Torment of Saying Nothing 

Two weeks left.  I think I am coasting now.  When I read posts from past years, I see a lot of "I don't know if I will make it" moments.  Today was Richard Boothby day... and my posts in 2023 about Boothby had me more mesmerized with his story than his philosophy.  I'm not sure that is the goal of the AFL journey.  I am supposed to soaking up more than the stories.  

This week looks like the voice are more alive than dead.  So that is encouraging.  It's nice to see that we haven't had to bury everyone on this journey.  It is nice to see that the world is still producing some great minds.  

I don't have much to share today.  And I'm not really tormented by that... sorry Boothby!  Maybe tomorrow will more inspirational.  

Day 33: I am accepted

“Religion, in the largest and most basic sense of the word, is ultimate concern. And ultimate concern is manifest in all creative functions of the human spirit.​” Paul Tillich

I am wondering this morning why it took three years of AFL for me to finally get Paul Tillich's message of acceptance.  Maybe I still had to purge the remainder of the baggage around terms like 'sin' and 'grace', so Tillich could redefine them for me.  Courtney helped me into that space this morning.  I am so grateful for her guidance on this journey.  It really has made all the difference this time around.  Thank you Courtney!  

“Sin, to Tillich, is separation, an aspect of the experience of every human. “To be in the state of sin is to be in the state of separation...[which] constitutes the state of everything that exists...it is the fate of every life.”​[641] There are three aspects of this separation (state of sin):

1. separation of individuals from each other, 

2. separation of an individual from self, and 

3. our collective separation from what Tillich calls the “ground of being.” ” 

 (Courtney Cantrell: Appetite for Antithesis) 

This takes the concept of sin and gives it wings instead of the five thousand pound weight around my neck that the Christianity of my past gave me.  Separation Is Normal.  Separation happens as part of the human condition.  That is the wings part of the picture.  There seems no shame in that, there is only an awareness of that separation and an invitation for a coming together again.  I think I just got recharged.  Understanding that it is part of the human condition to be separated, even from myself, I can now make strides to find a coming together...even within me.  That is beautiful.  And that coming together might look a lot like Paul Tillich's picture of 'grace'.  Courtney again gives me such a beautiful synopsis of this.  

“Grace is the acceptance of the rejected. Grace is one Life looking another (an Other) Life straight in the face and saying, “I accept you. I take you as you are, not asking for you to change. Not asking for you to make restitution. Not asking you to do anything. You don’t have to try harder. You don’t even have to try. You can rest in this acceptance. You can breathe. I accept you, and now you can breathe.” ”

 (Courtney Cantrell: Appetite for Antithesis) 

I am accepted.  I started feeling like that in my star time.  When I am alone with the stars, I feel like I belong to the greatness of the space around me.  I feel less alone and less alienated and less separated.  Maybe that is my grace from the "Ground of Being" and I don't need anymore labels for it.  I am here.  Maybe that is enough.  Maybe I don't need to limit that to just my parents having sex in summer of 1967.   Maybe "I am here" can find a reality beyond that.  Some would call that purpose.  Again... no need for more labels.  

“I want to state bluntly this point Tillich is making: you will never feel grace permeating you...you will never feel accepted...you will never be able to accept that you are accepted...until you acknowledge and admit sincerely that you cannot know who the other person is, you cannot know who you are, and you cannot know who/what “God” is because you are essentially (in your essence) abysmally divided from every last physical and “metaphysical” atom of all of it.

(You are not an onion. You are a mystery.)”

Courtney Cantrell: Appetite for Antithesis

I already embrace the idea that knowledge is beyond me.  This isn't frustrating anymore, it's freeing!  

I will end with the synopsis of this chapter that Courtney so beautifully left for me to ponder and wonder if I can join her in that space.  It's kind of hard for me to forget what is still so prevalent around me, but I will try, if only for me in my own space.  

“I am forgetting everything traditional I’ve learned about God. I am forgetting the word itself.

But I involve myself with mystery. I involve myself with depth. And that’s more of God than I’ve ever had before.”

Courtney Cantrell : Appetite for Antithesis: 

Day 32. "Christian Atheism".

So today was Paul Tillich.  Maybe I will catch up with him tomorrow.  But today... before I head to bed... soon... I want to talk about something that was on the Whatsapp conversation.  Someone brought up "Christian Atheism".  It sparked quite the discussion.  I dropped in on the weekly Zoom chat and it even made it there.  Maybe my mind isn't tracking with most of the conversation that happens around the  AFL table... but this one... blows my mind completely.  I'm almost glad that no one is reading my posts this year.  (That's right... not that many hits).  I feel like I can be a bit more candid and less morphing into what others are saying.  

Since I have no interest anymore in the label Christian, and the label of Atheist isn't that appealing for me to embrace, do I even need to go there with Christian Atheism? Do I even need to try and understand the premise?  I am understanding that with AFL, we are seeing Theism and Atheism as two sides of the same coin.  It just gets flipped each week and we see a different side.  I am not seeing the attraction factor for keeping the Christian label for anything other than the 2000 year old narrative that needs people to conform to one way of doing life.  There is no whitewashing the exclusivity of Christianity and anything that holds to that label.  There is no room for the whole world for anything bearing that label.  Atheism is also pretty exclusive.  For the most part... it doesn't allow for spirituality.  I remember Sam Harris being somewhat mocked for his embrace of spirituality along side his staunch atheism. 

I get it... If I had paid more attention to conversations... maybe I would see some sense in people's explanations... but I don't see the sense.  Co-opting those two exclusive terms into one package seems messed up.  Just my thoughts.  Another reason to make AFL 2025 my last go around.  I'm getting dizzy!!! 

For the record... here is what Wikipedia says about Christian Atheism... 

"Christian atheism is an ideology that embraces the teachings, narratives, symbols, practices, or communities associated with Christianity without accepting the literal existence of God. It often overlaps with nontheism and post-theism."

I strangely understand Jewish Atheism more.  Jewish culture is exactly that ... a culture.  Christianity is a religion, a belief system.  It's not a people group or a cultural entity.  So for me, it makes more sense that someone who is Jewish can still attend Passover even through they don't believe in "Yahweh" that it is for a Christian to take communion if they don't believe in Jesus.  

I ditched the symbolism of Christianity long before I let go of Jesus and God.  All the trappings were the first to go.  So the letting go of Jesus and God didn't give me an invite back to the rituals.  Those were long since buried.  Now it makes sense why it doesn't make sense.  

Day 31: I can't, I can't, I can't...

 

I don't know if this picture and this quote have anything to do with AFL... but I wanted to put it somewhere other than the desktop of my computer.   I only have one question when I see this.  

How do you know the Sun is loud, when you can't hear it?  

This is the issue I have with science and theology and every certainty in between.  It's things like this that make it hard for me to believe anyone or anything at face value.   At the end of the day... which it is right now... I can't ride on any train that requires me to sign on the dotted line.  I can listen, say nothing, let the person have a right to say what they want to say, give them their platform... but in my heart of hearts, I can't ride the train with them.  I can't get on their platform with them.  I can't, I can't, I can't...