Saturday, April 2, 2022

Day 32: Can I be like Mother Teresa?


Mother Teresa: A saint despite spiritual ‘darkness’

By NICOLE WINFIELD

August 31, 2016


Rev. Brian Kolodiejchuk, postulator of the cause of beatification and canonization of Mother Teresa, is interviewed by the Associated Press in front of a mosaic picturing Mother Teresa, at the formation house of the priestly branch of the Missionaries of Charity on the outskirts of Rome, Friday, Aug. 18, 2016. When Pope Francis canonizes Mother Teresa on Sunday, Sept. 4, 2016, he'll be honoring a nun who won admirers around the world and a Nobel Peace Prize for her joy-filled dedication to the "poorest of the poor."


VATICAN CITY (AP) — When Pope Francis canonizes Mother Teresa on Sunday, he’ll be honoring a nun who won admirers around the world and a Nobel Peace Prize for her joy-filled dedication to the “poorest of the poor.” He’ll also be recognizing holiness in a woman who felt so abandoned by God that she was unable to pray and was convinced, despite her ever-present smile, that she was experiencing the “tortures of hell.”

For nearly 50 years, Mother Teresa endured what the church calls a “dark night of the soul” — a period of spiritual doubt, despair and loneliness that many of the great mystics experienced, her namesake St. Therese of Lisieux included. In Mother Teresa’s case, the dark night lasted most of her adult life — an almost unheard of trial.


No one but Mother Teresa’s spiritual directors and bishop knew of her spiritual agony until her correspondence came to light during her beatification cause. The letters were then made available to the general public in a 2007 book, “Come Be My Light.”


For the Rev. Brian Kolodiejchuk, the Canadian priest who published the letters and spearheaded Mother Teresa’s saint-making campaign, the revelations were further confirmation of Mother Teresa’s heroic saintliness. He said that by canonizing her, Francis is recognizing that Mother Teresa not only shared the material poverty of the poor but the spiritual poverty of those who feel “unloved, unwanted, uncared for.”

“That was her experience in her relationship with Jesus,” Kolodiejchuk said in an interview. “She understood very well when people would share their horror stories, their pain and suffering of being unloved, lonely. She would be able to share that empathy because she herself was experiencing it.”


Tens of thousands of people are expected for the canonization ceremony Sunday for the tiny, stooped nun who was fast-tracked for sainthood just a year after she died in 1997. St. John Paul II, who was Mother Teresa’s greatest champion, beatified her before a crowd of 300,000 in St. Peter’s Square in 2003.


Francis has made the canonization the high point of his Jubilee of Mercy, a yearlong emphasis on the church’s merciful side. Francis has an obvious interest in highlighting Mother Teresa’s mercy-filled service to outcasts on the periphery, given that her life’s work exemplifies the priorities of his own pontificate.

But Francis is also sending a more subtle message to the faithful through the canonization of the ethnic Albanian nun: That saints can be imperfect — they can suffer as Mother Teresa did and even feel unloved by God, said Ines Angeli Murzaku, a professor of church history at Seton Hall University in New Jersey and herself a native Albanian.


“That existential periphery which is suffering and being marginalized, he wants to bring that to the attention of the world,” she said in a telephone interview. Mother Teresa “is so real. She’s not remote. She’s not a perfect, perfect saint.”

That said, her blind faith in enduring the “darkness,” as she called it, and persevering through it seems almost superhuman to outsiders.


Take the Feb. 28, 1957 letter she wrote the then-archbishop of Kolkata, Jesuit Archbishop Ferdinand Perier.


“There is so much contradiction in my soul. Such deep longing for God, so deep that it is painful, a suffering continual, and yet not wanted by God, repulsed, empty, no faith, no love no zeal,” she wrote. “Souls hold no attraction. Heaven means nothing, to me it looks like an empty place. The thought of it means nothing to me and yet this torturing longing for God.”

“Pray for me please that I keep smiling at him in spite of everything.”


In another letter, she acknowledged that her smile was “a big cloak which covers a multitude of pains.”


Revelations that the smile was a mask to inner doubts about God’s presence fueled criticism of Mother Teresa — spearheaded most famously by the late Christopher Hitchens — that the Balkan nun was something of a fraud.


Kolodiejchuk, though, says she was no hypocrite. He said that the smile was a genuine and heroic attempt to hide her private sufferings, even from God, and prevent others from suffering more.


“You can be joyful even if you’re suffering because you are accepting, and you are working and acting with love that gives meaning to the suffering,” he said in the courtyard of one of the Missionaries of Charity houses on the periphery of Rome.


The revelations nevertheless shocked even Mother Teresa’s closest confidants and friends, the original sisters who joined her Missionaries of Charity after she was inspired to found the order in 1946. Kolodiejchuk said several sisters wept when he first read them her letters after he acquired them in 1998 from the archives of the Jesuits and archbishop in Kolkata.


Sister Prema, the current superior general of the Missionaries of Charity, recalled being in awe of the revelation and not being able even today to fully understand the depth of Mother Teresa’s pain.


“It took me some time, and it still takes me time, to reflect about it and to understand it more deeply,” she said in an interview. “I think a soul who has not experienced it (the darkness) will not be able to understand what it is about. This is some mystery of the spiritual life which souls who know about it can connect with and associate with, but souls who do not know, we stand before a mystery.”


Asked if she was in that latter group, the German nun paused and said quietly: “Yes.”


Kolodiejchuk, the postulator for the cause, says that in retrospect, Mother Teresa’s “darkness” was actually a critical part of her vocation, kept hidden from the world that only saw a firm but loving mother superior who was the first in the chapel each morning and often worked herself to exhaustion at night tending to society’s most unloved.


“We assumed at least she was enjoying this wonderful consoling union and love from Jesus,” he said. “But we discover, no it’s even the opposite. For me, this darkness is the single most heroic aspect of her life.”

___


If I can aim to be like Mother Teresa... like what she did overrode her struggles with her belief and faith... I will be alright.  She didn't let her doubts and disbeliefs slow her down.  She did what she did for as long as she could do it.  Her values gave her direction when her faith couldn't.  


Friday, April 1, 2022

Day 31: Death of God as Father and Mother




"Women who are "getting it together" are beginning to see that as long as God is imaged exclusively as male, then the male can feel justified in playing God."


"We cannot really belong to institutional religion as it exists.  It isn't good enough to be token preachers.  It isn't good enough to have our energies drained and co-opted.  Singing sexist hymns, praying to a male god breaks our spirit, makes us less human.  The crushing weight of this tradition, of this power structure, tells us that we do not even exist." 


"Our time has come.  We will take our own place in the sun.  We will leave behind the centuries of silence and darkness.  Let us affirm our faith in ourselves and our will to transcendence by rising and walking out together." Mary Daly


I think I live in a world that has a balance issue. When one side is over weighted, the response is to overweight the opposite side in order to create balance.  Maybe that has to happen because we don't know how to ditch the baggage overweighting us in the first place.  So then it becomes the other's responsibility to offset the balance by extra baggage on their end, tipping the scale in their favour.  Then the original overweighted side adds more weight to offset their lack and it goes on and on.  No one learns how to ditch the baggage and even out the scales.  


I had two great parents here on earth where we are identified by sex. Because of a mother and a father here, I have found existence.   Our species exists because of the two sexes available to us.  That is a limitation we have as organic species.  We have been set up to replicate ourselves with male and female contributions.  


When it comes to God, or Creator, there is no procreation required.  There is only Creator. So there is no gender needed to identify this Creator.  All gender attributed to the Creator is a result of the balance issue of humanity.  Mary Daly helped me to see that today, but I think I already had the inspiration in me.  She just helped move it forward today.  


It is easily understood how Christianity has adopted a male God.  Christianity arose out of a male dominated culture.  The bible was written by men.  There was no second thought to making God male.  Even today, people pray "Our Father" and don't think of what it implies.  Even the Holy Spirit has been engendered as a "he".  


Maybe it is the fallacy in our language that doesn't allow us to have a gender neutral pronoun for the Creator.  It gets awkward for people who need pronouns as a shortcut to talking about someone.  But I think it does a disservice to so many.   We are making God in our image.  Is that not an obvious observation?  


My first attraction to "The Shack" book ( and eventually a movie) was the introduction of Papa as a woman.  And then the Holy Spirit was also a woman.  But thinking more about it.  It seems like a balance response because the other side was overweighted.  Maybe that needs to happen, but is it the best way to create balance and see the Creator as not human and not engendered?  I don't know anymore.  Maybe we are stuck with trying to balance the scales by pushing each side to the extreme.  


As much as I enjoyed the Shack, I now am okay with not needing a female God anymore than I wanted to ditch the male God.  If I still need a visual connection, I am okay with seeing the Creator more as a river or as the wind.  Where I am not looking for a human face, but a picture of movement and all encompassing presence.  


I don't need a cosmic daddy.  I don't need a cosmic mama on the other side trying to balance the scale either.  I am okay with Creator being that which is beyond my human limitations.  

Thursday, March 31, 2022

Day 30: Looking for something a lot more simple.

 


Ten days left and I don't know what to write about.  These last two weeks have been draining on me physically.  My brain started out okay with AFL material, but I am over whelmed and feeling like I did when I was taking Computer Programming at NAIT.  I feel like I got in over my head.  

Some of the conversations over the last month have been helpful and encouraging.  Maybe I got what I needed to get out of the course.  I can still hang in there, but maybe I don't have to feel bad about losing interest in the heady material and weighty theological journey.  

I think I will be okay and that is all I really wanted.  I have some good leads in books going forward that will keep me interested in the journey toward letting go of "God" and embracing the Creator beyond the religious paint job.  I hope so. 



Wednesday, March 30, 2022

Day 29: Reaching Maximum Potential



Paul Tillich Quotes from today's reading

 Here I can say that something is holy to everyone, even to those who deny that they have experienced the holy

The ultimate in being and meaning cannot be limited, cannot be caught in any particular religion, in any particular sacred place or by any particular sacred action. 

The religions of the world must acknowledge this struggle and not destroy it by an arrogant dogmatism. They must open themselves to those who ask the question of the absolute with passion and unconditional seriousness, both inside and outside the churches.

Well.  this is called Authentic Lent.  I am at day 29 and authentically have reached my maximum potential for intake on this course.  I am tired, worn out, sick, and my brain isn't processing the great stuff like I had hoped.  But I will keep going until the end and will find something of value.   

I think this might be the last time I commit to daily writing of anything.  

Tuesday, March 29, 2022

Day 28: My Birthday Experiment


I turned my Birthday Zoom meetings into an experiment that helped me see how church works.

A last minute bout of laryngitis/bronchitis has encouraged me to be a fly on the wall of my birthday conversation. I hadn't planned for it to go this way, but I decided to mute myself and blacken out my video and invited people into the Zoom room.

The morning meeting started at 10:00 am. I activated the Zoom room at 10:00 am sharp and let people dwindle in for five minutes. I did a screen share and played my welcome video with the instructions. I didn't mute anyone, so as the video was playing, people were talking... and missing some of the instruction. I figured that out because it took a while for the conversation to move forward, and then one friend had a poem for me, but suggested we wait until I showed up before she shared her poem. My mother reminded her that I wasn't going to show up. (I had mentioned something like that in the introductory video.)

It wasn't long before the conversation started rolling without me. One attendant had technical issues and that kept others from continuing the conversation. Her screen would keep freezing. That halted the conversation for a few minutes.

Eventually, the conversation started rolling again, and during the next half hour, I noticed a few funny things.

The attendees spoke about me in third person even through I was in the room. (I never hid that fact)
They told me that they can't wait until they can see my face and hear my voice.
And eventually they just did their own thing and had their own conversation.
And at the end they remembered me again and sang me Happy Birthday.

This reminded me of the average church service. People gather around the celebration of someone who they don't see and can't hear. That person is in attendance... at least that is what they have been told. But there is no real evidence of that. There maybe moments when they think that someone is communicating to them, but then others are clueless.

I had the chat window open and my Mom messaged with me. She knew how to use chat. But I messaged my other friends, and they weren't getting my messages. Mom later figured because they didn't know how to operate chat. She figured that was my job to enlighten everyone on all the nuances of Zoom. I told Mom as I explained my experiment to her, that it gave her something more to share. She could pass the messages along.

The second meeting went well, but also had a glitch of the electronic variety. One of the attendants didn't have audio, but soon figured a way to compensate and she hand wrote messages. Something different... she had access to chat, but went old school. More for the story.

I did reveal myself with ten minutes left on the clock. We had a nice visit and I enjoyed the discovery of what it was like to be invisible, yet present.

My take away from both meetings... It is an exercise in humility for someone who is used to being the centre of attention.

Monday, March 28, 2022

Day 27: Had I only known

 


Had I only known that I would have nothing to say today of any value today, I might not have started this blog.  Had I known that I was to start something I couldn't finish, I wouldn't have started it at all.  Had I known that I'd be in too much pain today to write, I just might have listened to that voice inside.  

"No one is going to read this.  No one is going to care.  No one will know what boils in the heart of you."

Had I known, I could have just said "To hell with it all... Time to fly off into the sunset." 

I didn't know.  So I stammer to get some words down in this post while the tears flow from my face.  And I hope that the clock doesn't strike midnight before I can get today's picture.