Day 2: Arthur's Car

"In my world, I feel if I use the word "God", I have to add a two thousand year old, virgin born, resurrected Jesus to that identity.  I have to add church as a necessary place to find that "God".  I have to perform rituals proving that I believe and follow and worship.  None of those things connect me anymore with the source of who I am and where I am.  I understand I am connected to something, and my agnostic brain says that I have no clue what that is, how big it is, how old it is or how involved it is.  All I have in my arsenal is admiration for an artist that made something incredible.  Who or what that artist is... no clue."  

RN: Day 2, 2023 

Hubby and I were on a road trip to drop off a heater in a tiny rural community not far from Drumheller.  Across the road from the house where we dropped off the heater we noticed this car.  Hubby immediately identified it as a Rolls Royce.  We were on our way back home when we remembered we forgot to drop off one part to the customer.  We headed back.  Thankfully we were only a few miles away before we remembered.  

It was on our return trip that we mentioned the car to the customer.  It was then that he told us it was actually "Arthur's Car".   Arthur was a movie from 1981 starring Dudley Moore.  In that movie he was driven around in  a 1956 Rolls-Royce Silver Wraith touring limousine.  The car somehow had made it out to this little Alberta community seventy years after it was built and forty five years after the movie.  

We were both interested.  I took a picture of it.  I wasn't sure who would even care about our story.  It seemed significant at the time, but maybe old news.  To us, it was a Wow moment, but we didn't get to excited to tell anyone else.  I guess some Wow moments are only meant to enjoy in the moment.  

As I was reading through the Day 2 readings today I came across something that made me think a bit more about the way I look at life now.  Does it really matter, to anyone else than me, how I understand life?  Should it really matter?  I am one of eight billion people on this planet and there are eight billion different views of life out in the world.  Just not all of them have a megaphone or a platform for convincing others.  Each human sees life through a different set of eyes and conforming to any dogma or belief system doesn't change that, it only causes it to go into hiding for a lot of people.  

What if we all had Wow moments in our own journey that were special, honourable, and worth the time to reflect on... but didn't need to be immediately broadcast to the rest of world or even to friends and family.  What if that was that was just a way to do life?   

I've written so much about how I see life and yet, I worry about what to tell people if they ask me directly about my journey.  Maybe I should just redirect them to my words and if they don't want to read them, they don't get to know.  Maybe I need to give my written words the light of day instead of struggling at an impromptu explanation that is so inadequate.  

"If you want to know my thoughts... read them.  I haven't hid them from anyone.  A quick internet search under my name will bring them up."  

It sounds like a good way to move forward.  I have lots of stories... and I have written a lot of them down.  If someone takes the time to read my words and wants to have a conversation after that... I might entertain a deeper dive.   If someone asks me one day if I've seen a Rolls Royce, I can say yes.  If they ask me what the story meant to me, I can tell them that I wrote about it... and tell them were to go and read it.  

Day 1: Starting the Journey again

It's Day 1 of Authentic Lent... otherwise known as Ash Wednesday.  It's -26 C and I am tired from all the snow shovelling I had to do yesterday.  We had a significant dump.  Maybe a foot of snow over the day, maybe a little bit more than that.  I didn't have the tape measure out yet.  With the wind, it's hard to get an accurate depth.  In some places there are two foot drifts.  Those are even more "fun" to shovel through.  

This is the fifth year of Authentic Lent.  Three of those five years was spent in community with Peter Rollins and the AFL participants.  This year, I will travel through the next 45 days alone.  If I see the view numbers on my posts gain some ground, I will assume that it is internet fuzz more than interested humans in my journey.  I probably won't be notifying anyone that I am back on the blog trail.  Experience has taught me that it seldom produces any feedback or community.  So this year... Authentic Lent is once again the diary of my time during Lent.  

This morning I read the previous Day 1 posts from the last four years.  There were different takes on the beginning of the journey.  Maybe I will read my blog again and catch up with my thoughts over the last four years.  I don't know how the next six weeks will unfold as my fingers take to the keyboard again.  

I've added a picture of a jigsaw puzzle that I am in the process of assembling.  It has been a frustrating assembly for the most part, but I haven't given up on it yet.  I just put it aside when I get frustrated and work on something else.  I was initially attracted to the image because of it's colour and sunset image. But what's left doesn't add much colour to the puzzle.  There is a lot of blue, green and brown.   I don't know if it will be finished, but as I reflected on it this morning, I saw my own life in the story of this puzzle.  

Life, in general, has not been an easy one to add a piece to every day.  Some pieces are easier to place than others.  The image doesn't give me as much hope as it used to.  I feel like the best days are behind me, like the easiest pieces are behind me in the puzzle.  

"Words connect with other words and that is how stories are born.  Words connect with other words and that is how we share our feelings.  Words connect with other words and that is the invitation for me to share my narrative."  (RN September 9, 2024) 

This is a quote from a book I wrote last year called "I'm Still Somewhere".  There is only one hard copy of it, written and read only by me, and it sits at my desk.  It has 44 chapters and one section of quotes.  It sounds like a great way to spend Authentic Lent.  I can read a chapter a day and then on Good Friday and Easter Weekend, I can peruse the sections of quotes I have collected at the end.  Maybe I will keep up with the other four years of Authentic Lent and find some more inspiration from those readings.  All I really know is that I don't know if I am ready to stop writing, just because I believe that I am the only one reading my words.  I still like to write.  Maybe those words I stuck together over the years don't mind being read again by the author herself.  

Today is Day 1.  What have I concluded?  Not much.  But I started.  Sometimes, I just need to start and then tomorrow will be easier to continue the journey.