Day 30: Uncomfortable

 

This evening's sunset in Calmar

Okay...  Thirty Days in and I am sad today.  Sad that Simone Weil only had 34 years of life.  At first I found it hard to think that she had something of wisdom to pass along to me at 57.  I remember me around her age.  I was heavy into the Pentecostal scene.  I couldn't even imagine walking near to the thoughts and queries that Simone Weil had.  I wasn't introduced to the idea of thinking beyond denominational belief structures back then.  I was told what, how and why to believe what I did.    Church wasn't about thinking... I was just looking for a place that wasn't boring and I found it.  That's right.  The Lutheran church was boring; The Pentecostal church wasn't.  

I did find something interesting in Courtney's chapter on Weil.  

“In La Pesanteur et la Grâce (Gravity and Grace), a collection of her reflections, she says religion hinders true faith when religion gives us God in a way that consoles us. In other words:

if we find rest and comfort

in the God our religion presents to us

(seen)

then the God we’re accepting is an idol

standing between us and the Real God

(unseen).

For Weil, the Real God is one that disturbs and destabilizes instead of comforting, and she insists that the purpose of religion is to open us up to longing. Instead of offering succor, religion should continuously generate our desire for the Real.”  Courtney Cantrell

Excerpt From Appetite for Antithesis: (De)Knowing God in a Lenten Practice

Comfort seems to be the bedrock of the religion I grew up with and embraced for four decades.  Who doesn't want to be comfortable.  It explains so much cognitive dissonance in religious circles.  There's not thinking and not questions... because comfort is the requirement.  To think and to ask questions is uncomfortable... and we aren't going for that.  

I checked my blog.  I didn't find any reflecting in the other AFL years on Simone Weil.  I don't know why I didn't register with her.  Maybe it was her age.  Not sure.  Her story captivates me more than her words.  Oh yeah... that would hurt right there.  As a writer... I would hope my words captivate people, but maybe all I have to offer is my story.  

Day 29: "Imagine there's no [religion], it's easy if you try."

"For Barth, atheism becomes an unlikely ally in this struggle. Insofar as atheism rejects the human-made religious constructs that mask themselves as theology, it serves a theological function—it exposes conceptual idolatry, stripping away the false gods that we create in our own image. The true theologian, then, must take atheism seriously, recognizing in it a necessary negation: the refusal to equate human thought with divine reality. God is not an object within human understanding but a disruptive, destabilising presence who breaks into the world from beyond.

Barth’s vision of theology is thus profoundly unsettling. It demands that we abandon any attempt to ground God in reason, experience, or tradition, accepting instead that true knowledge of God begins in the recognition of our own ignorance. Faith, for Barth, is not a matter of grasping divine truth but of being grasped by it—of encountering a revelation that overturns all our assumptions rather than confirming them." 

Peter Rollins

“In Barth’s view, any attempt to comprehend or define God is an attempt to “humanize the divine, to bring it within the sphere of the world of time and things....”​[482] But this accomplishes only a widening of the unbreachable gulf between us and God. We can’t put God in a box—not even if that box is labeled “religion.” God is not what’s contained in religion—”

“God is also what ruptures our political beliefs. Try to connect Jesus to a specific political party, and it’s eventually going to go bad; you’ll end up manipulated and deceived, manipulating and deceiving. What is going on in the name “God” can’t be reduced to any one ideology; if you try to reduce it to one, you’ll end up with nothing but projections of your own personal history. Or, perhaps worse, someone else’s history.” 

Courtney Cantrell

Excerpts From

Appetite for Antithesis: (De)Knowing God in a Lenten Practice

Today, my inspiration doesn't come directly from Karl Barth... but from Pete and Courtney about Karl Barth.  

After all my readings this morning, I pondered what the world would look like if John Lennon's imagination became reality... "No Heaven, No Hell, No Religion".   According to Lennon, it was easy to imagine Earth with no Heaven, Hell or Religion.  But does "God" still show up if Religion vanishes?  That is the ultimate exercise in imagination.  Is "God" the product of Religion, or according to Barth... beyond religion and only accessible when religion gets out of the way.  Some would say that even embracing the idea of "God" puts you in religion's bubble.  

I stalled at getting anything from Karl Barth when he opened up his discourse with these words. "…We know that God is...  "  Who is "We"?  What does it mean to "know"?  And who is "God", Karl???  That is why I just blanked out for the rest of the reading.  He lost me.  So many assumptions and I feel like the ass.  

It's Day 29... and I am nearing happiness that I anticipate this AFL journey will be the last one.  I am almost done trying to get any wisdom out of Old dead white guys that are trying to keep the character of "God" in the story while tossing out the book that the story is written in.  Religion is the book.  Religion is the framework that gives "God" structure and substance.  Without Religion... "God" ceases.  Maybe then the mystery of the cosmos is magnified and we would be left wondering.  I don't see anything bad about that.  That would be a world without answers, without conclusions, without certainty, without division, without wars, without....  It would be a world without... and humans will never let that happen, because humans can't live without and be satisfied... we only know how to live with.  Even then... satisfaction is still beyond our reach.  

Day 28: Foolish Frustration

I find it hilarious that Barnett Newman is scheduled for April Fool's Day.  It seems like a joke on me, even if it's probably not a joke on anyone else.  Maybe I'm the only one who sees this artwork appreciation exercise as a joke.  And I will only admit it here.  But it's not a joke.  I just don't appreciate his art like others have found a way to appreciate his art.  

In 2023, Barnett Newman came in to the reflections on Day 29, but I ignored him.  I think I was too frustrated.  But after calming down for a day, I did mention in in the following post and shared why I was so uncomfortable.  

2023: Day 30: Wolves in the Snow

I did feel abandoned as my Day 29 post indicated.  I felt like I was the only one not welcome into the space that everyone else so willingly found understanding in.  No one was critiquing the artistry of Newman as insignificant in their journey.  It is the awkwardness of walking into an art gallery and seeing a painting that makes no sense to you, but the artist is standing behind you wanting your thoughts and feelings.  It's two years later, and I still don't have any positive or inspirational thoughts and feelings about Newman's artwork.  I have frustration.  Maybe today... I can call it foolish frustration. 

Day 27: Submarines aren't built to fly, but airplanes are.

In the late nineties, I got my hands on a book by David Mason called "Shadow over Babylon" 

"The assassination plot is the brainchild of the most powerful men in government. It is manned by the most savagely skilled death team money can buy. It is armed with the most advanced weapons and technological systems on earth. It is assembled behind the backs of its own and its allies' intelligence agencies. And it is perfectly calculated to bypass the defenses of its target - President Saddam Hussein."  \(Good Reads) 

This fictional story account of the plan to assassinate Saddam Hussein was a game changer for me in so many ways.  It changed my understanding that maybe one person couldn't be ultimately responsible for the tyranny that followed the dictatorial leadership of that person.   We have seen in history so many leaders that have had their names synonymous with the destruction to their countries.  We don't seem to look farther than the head cheese to blame all the problems on.  

When I got to the end of "Shadow of Babylon", it provided me with an ongoing story after the man.  There was something bigger than the name and face often blamed.  There was something more ominous and unseen that arose after that name was taken out.  There was a system, a seemingly lifeless organism that had been given life... not by the leader, but by the people that supported it.  In the absence of the man, the system still had to live.  It was the real leader.  

My uncomfortability with Dietrick Bonhoeffer to this day is that he couldn't see past Hitler to the system that made Hitler what he became.  What did DB figure he would accomplish if Hitler was assassinated?  Did he think that all the cards to his country's tyranny lay in the hands of one man?  Maybe it's a pipe dream to think that one person can change the world... but it's reality that understands that one person does not change the world alone.  Hitler couldn't have done what he did on his own.  He needed believers.  He may have been the voice to the ideologies of his time, but he would have just been a fart in the wind if he didn't have people who came along side of him that embraced the same ideologies that he held to.  

I'm not saying that people in their own selves are not capable of destruction.  I am just understanding that the men we blame for the wars in this world aren't the only one's responsible.  The blame needs to be shared and owned by a lot more.  

This hasn't changed.  We blame our politicians today for the chaos in our countries.  We can't see past the media buzz to own our part in the mess.  I think it goes beyond our vote.  Once the tallies are in, we sit back and expect our leaders to be the best of our consciences.  Then we bicker when they don't meet our expectations, but we don't own our part in the story.  

I have no more answers as to how to fix our problems than anyone else does.  I just don't blame the problems on one body anymore.  

I did find some inspiration from Bonhoeffer in today's reading... so I will end this post with those quotes.  I see a feeble attempt at restructuring a failed system in his attempt to redirect Christianity into a social justice religion.  He's not the only one.  Tony Campolo came to mind when I was reading this morning.  But what still sticks in my mind is something Tony's son Bart shared at the Wild Goose festival in 2021

"When I see you progressive Christians at  Wild Goose trying to remake Christianity into a gay friendly, inclusive, warm and wonderful, nobody's going to hell, universalist narrative... I think you guys are brilliant, but you remind me of a bunch of engineers trying to take a submarine and retrofit it to fly.  I have no doubt that with the proper engineering skills you can take a submarine and make it fly.  But wouldn't it be easier to just start from scratch and just build an airplane?"  Bart Campolo

Christianity is and will always be a submarine.  It wasn't built to fly like an airplane, it was built to be sunk in the oceans of doctrine, dogma, rituals and regulations.  It's why there are thousands of denominational expressions that label themselves as Christianity's best expression... but they are all just attempts at flying a submarine. 

 

"I should like to speak of God not on the boundaries but at the centre, not in weaknesses but in strength; andtherefore not in death and guilt but in man’s life and goodness." DB

"So we live, in some degree, on these so-called ultimate

questions of humanity. But what if one day they no longer exist as such, if they too can be answered ‘without God’?" DB

"It is only by living completely in this world that one learns to have faith. One must completely abandon any attempt to make something of oneself, whether it be a saint, or a converted sinner, or a churchman (a so-called priestly type!) a righteous man or an unrighteous one, a sick man or a healthy one. By this-worldliness I mean living unreservedly in life’s duties, problems, successes and failures, experiences and perplexities." DB

Day 26: My Sunday Sadness

It's 8:07 pm and I just admitted to myself that I've procrastinated all day when it comes to writing.  I have been a mix of depressed, uninspired and bored. My cat looks a lot more lively in this photo that I feel right now.  There are still three weeks left in Lent and I am wondering if I have the stamina to keep up the intense mental  energy it takes to follow all these amazing minds and thinkers in their thoughts and words.   

I'm tired and just want to go to bed.  There you have it... my Sunday sadness has drained me.  Maybe I woke up feeling like I was 57.  That made me sad.  I'm the same age now that my sister was when she died.  I don't know when I will perk up with that heaviness on my heart and mind.  I'm just rambling now, trying to fill up this space with some words... all so I can read this next year and know where I was and what I was thinking on this day in history.  

Day 25: Birthdays and Postcards

2022 Day 23: Emma Goldman: The Philosophy of Atheism 

2023: Day 23: Who is Jesus ... Really?  

Today my Atheism for Lent Community gave me a beautiful birthday gift.  I was able to chat with Kate for the better part of an hour and share stories.  We missed the others that usually gather in the Saturday processing room, but I got a chance to get to know Kate a little better.  And that was precious.  

I don't know how to sum this week up.  I am thankful for the voices of the women.  I know that they are few and far between on this journey... but it's refreshing to see that their voices mattered in era they were living in when women's voices weren't all that encouraged.   

I also went through the blog posts that landed on my birthday each year.  I am thankful that this blog has allowed me to spend space with my birthdays of the last three years.  I think the memories have been helpful.  

Today, was rather uneventful in birthday space.  I still don't know how today is supposed to finish.  It's already past my bed time.  But I still want to write.  My husband is gone to bed.  Maybe I don't want the day to end.  I finished a Cobble Hill 1000 pc puzzle today that I started yesterday.  That is a record for me. It usually takes me three days to do a 1000 pc puzzle.  But I wanted to finish it today so I could post it on Instagram. 

 

I did a shout out to my Instagram community to see if there are any bites on a postcard exchange.  Not sure who wants to participate... but I did put a shout out to anyone who wanted to swap postcards.  I am looking to grow my collection of personalize postcards... and maybe clean house on some of my blank ones.   I don't know if there will be any bites... but looking forward to seeing if I can acquire some new cards, and maybe even new friends.   How precious would that be.  

Anyway... I have one more thing to put to words.  So until tomorrow... 

 

Day 24: Snow-versary

Today seemed full of so much more than my Lenten inspirations.  So today... this post will be missing any reference to Lent or the AFL material.  Today is my anniversary.  My hubby and I have been married for sixteen years today and I spent most of the day shovelling snow.  We had a dump of eleven inches over the last two days.  It is light and fluffy snow mixed with melting temperatures which makes the light and fluffy snow turn into wet and heavy.  Tomorrow is my birthday and I have more snow to move.  It's the joy of being born and married in the month of March.  I guess I am going to take what I can get.  

Tomorrow the plan is to start a major writing project.  I don't know how I will balance the inspiration and writing mojo with AFL, but I will do my best to get words down for both avenues.  Oh yeah... and I am working on a 1000 pc puzzle that I wanted to post on my birthday.  Usually it takes three days to finish a 1000 pc puzzle... so we will see how we do.  It's my first puzzle in two months.  I guess my hiatus is over... or maybe just put on hold.